Finding Fun in Walking


Walking is an effective catharsis and stress relieving therapy. When I used to get out of home with an intention of ‘walking’ as an exercise to reduce/maintain weight (as weight management is one of the most important and painful issues of people with mental problems due to weight gaining tendency by antipsychotic drugs), so I could never motivate myself to step out of home. It seems  like a big issue and I am sure it is a common problem with most of the people who wish and plan to walk for weight reduction. But I adapted a different strategy which is, making my mind to go out and roam around what’s going on there outside my house. Going to the same park daily is of course boring, so I decided to roam and wander on different streets (without my phone and cash, because there is an increased street crime and snatching here). I feel so relaxed without my belongings. Because belongings weigh you down. That’s my experience. Anyway, now I go outside almost daily, with different intentions, sometimes to shop grocery (as I don’t drive because of medical condition so I have to walk) or sometimes to pray in mosque that is far from my house, this is what actually happened today. I walked for Esha prayer in a mosque which is very far from my area, and it was not only praying of course, it also burned my calories. 🙂

So my advice to all of you, especially those who can’t motivate themselves to jog or join gym (because you can’t be regular with gym, that’s my own experience). Go out, just to roam around, watch people, say Hi Hello or in our culture we say Assalam O Alikum, to elder people, they feel happy, you may see smiling kids on streets, you can do some charity too, believe me, such small acts make you feel so contented. and your self esteem raises high, what else do you want? Exercise+Entertainment+Observation+Boost in self-esteem+Weight  management = all in one package !! 🙂


Rayan Ahmed

(P.S. who regularly follow my blog can see the difference in my tone from the last few posts, from depression, i became happy and excited, but for a Bipolar it’s not good to be over excited, so I need to control my happiness too 😉


Experience of having Pets..

Humans have an edge over all the living creatures because they can think and communicate with each other in a distinct and proper way. Oh yes, they claim to be cultured and civilized as well. Sometimes, such qualities like thinking and speaking result in offending and hurting other fellows. In this scenario, animals have an edge over human beings. They can’t think or speak like humans do but they have feelings and emotions and most of all loyalty and sincerity that is quite rare in us as civilized creatures.

Having a pet can potentially be helpful in stabilizing your mood. Its a great hobby to enjoy your time but with an equal responsibility. Good thing about animals is that they love unconditionally and don’t expect much in return unlike humans. They are not very clever to conspire. They don’t have an ego problem. They recognize their owner and love him for the attention and care that he provides them.

I think one of the main reasons that make animals nicer than human beings is lack of awareness and indulgence in money-cycle. Although, they are bought and sold by human beings but don’t know their monetary value. For instance, an elephant would never be able to know the value of his teeth that sometimes cost his life.

If you’re depress or feel lonely, I would advice you to keep a pet that you can take care of. Animals have their rights and when we keep them at home, they depend for their necessities on us. I have recently, bought an aquarium and decorated it with colorful gravels, fish home, bubble-shower. When I see my goldfish swimming in water, and playing with each other, I spend hours watching them and reading articles on goldfish care online. It’s better than seeking a company to talk and expecting people to entertain me.

Its always good to keep you occupied and doing something that reduces your stress level and keep you calm.

Try it and tell me if you feel any change 🙂

Stay Blessed.

Thank You.

After thanking life for blessing me with a disease that made me a writer and inculcate an urge to express to the world, I would like to thank to all of you who read my words and feel the emotions I try to convey here. Getting many followers and likes was never my goal, I know the fact that I’m not a regular blog writer. Thanks for my severe depressive and uncontrolled hypomanic episode that compelled me to open the blog and start writing whatever comes in my mind. Therefore, most of my writings are very impulsive and based on the current set of thoughts and emotions. Today, I opened my blog after a long time and feel so glad to notice the statistics, still my blog is generating some traffic and people can relate to my my views.

Whether you are Bipolar or Homosexual or suffering from Depression, you’re BEAUTIFUL. God loves you. I love you !! and I’m thankful to you for an inspiration to my writing. I will try to be regular and write on topics that you would love to read. There is no great happiness than being a helper or healer or supporter.. Thank You 🙂 

Something somewhere is missing

We often feel emptiness inside us despite having all materialistic goods. We have food to eat not only this, we often go out for dining and spend huge amounts in expensive restaurants. We are eager to enter big malls for shopping branded outfits and shoes. These days, its a common trend to keep latest gadgets and keep busy playing with smartphones in buses, trains or family dinner table. We study to get a good job, earn to buy every luxury that could make our lives comfortable. But sadly material goods can never buy happiness or inner gratification.

Happiness is within so we shouldn’t look for it in outer world. The real happiness is to explore our mind and establish peace with the soul. It is to believe in yourself and the divine power that is ruling this world. It is to explore our abilities and know the strengths that God has given us rather complaining what we do not have. There is no end point of desires. Fulfilling one wish gives birth to the other and it makes you ignore the countless blessings that you already have. Thanking God, parents, friends for being their with you and support you in good and bad times, give you true happiness. And complaining for things that you lack and your friends have, will make you sad and deprived and  by doing so you are actually wasting time that you could spend being happy. 

Life is precious so fill out the missing point by exploring yourself and doing what gives you true happiness. Praise God and praise good in others.

Veronica Decides to Die


Veronica Decides to Die

I just finished reading a Paulo Coelho’s book “Veronika Decides to Die” yesterday. The author beautifully told a story of a young 24 year old girl, Veronika; who was pretty, had a steady job, boyfriends, loving parents, thus everything that one could wish for to be happy. But she was not happy and she didn’t know why. Failing to recognize the reason for unhappiness, she decided to die and took over dose of sleeping pills. She was taken to hospital – rather a mental hospital where she was told that she was suffering from a cardiac disease and just had a week more to live. That was her life changing moment. She took pills because she wanted to die at once but now she had to live for six or seven more days and she knew that waiting for death is more painful than actual death.

She was given sedatives and other drugs via injections so initially she could not retain her consciousness for very long. She met with few people in asylum – Villete: Zedka who was suffering from depression, Mari, who was a lawyer, had panic attacks which Doc Igor referred as ‘fear’ and finally Eduard – the schizophrenic with whom Veronika fell in eternal love later on.
She met with Zedka and asked “what is mad”. Zedka explained her that mad person is the one who is different from others. He tends to deviate from the set norms or so called practices of society. Because most of us don’t have courage to act differently, therefore we don’t accept change. She gave examples of great scientists like Albert Einstein and Newton and philosophers who discovered hidden truth about life and this world. They were not the normal people. They were extra ordinary and thus changed the world from their knowledge. Zedka made sense to Veronika and she thought she should not have been admitted into mental hospital.
Veronika started feeling dull and lost interest in life, in fact few remaining days of life. She wanted to die but she didn’t know how to materialize her wish in a mental hospital where she was kept under observation all the time. She had enough time to think about her past. What she had and what she did in these twenty four years of life. Her past flashed back into her mind. She did a good university degree in law but ended up doing a job as librarian. She spent half of her life in eating sandwiches as a part of her set routine. Got back from work, rush into the bar, then to lover’s bed and finally hit her bed to sleep. She didn’t want to sleep in someone else’s bed. She was following this routine since long and thus left charm in life. She was scared of trying new exciting things. She probably didn’t know how to add colors to her life. At Villete, she tried few new things, like slapping to a Fraternity member was something she never thought of doing in public. She began playing piano. It was something she always wanted to do but couldn’t make it. There, she met with Eduard – schizophrenic who was living in his own world with a ‘Vision of Paradise’ in mind. He didn’t talk to Veronika but always asked her to play pianao in moonlight. Veronika started enjoying doing it for somebody she didn’t know.
At last, they both fell in love. Eduard told her his story what brought him into Villete. He wanted to be a painter but his family wanted him to pursue a career as diplomat. He indulged himself in abstract painting and envisioned to create a series of “Vision of Paradise”. His parents were frightened of losing him and he thought he had discovered himself. Upon negating his passion on the wish of his parents, he lost the interest in ‘real’ world and went into a ‘virtual’ world of his own imagination. When he was brought into Villete, he was diagnosed as mild schizophrenia.
Veronika was getting passionate about Eduard and frightened to lose everything soon. Because she was dying and it was her own wish.  Now she had just 24 more hours to live. She decided to make most of her every moment. She told Dr Igor that she wanted to go out and do things which she never did. She wanted to tell her mother that she love her. She wanted to explore the world. But now it was too late.
Same day Eduard and Veronika escaped from the Villete. They went to the most expensive restaurant, got drunk and started talking non sense. They laughed out loud and the restaurant manager had to ask them to leave without clearing the bills. They went to the castle at the top of hill and Vernokia asked him to paint herself after her death. She made him promise that he would continue painting because this is his passion.
Veronika didn’t die.
Dr Igor was successful in controlling Vitriol (Bitterness) in Veronika. He created ‘awareness of living’ by creating ‘awareness of death’. And it worked in case of Veronika. She had every reason to be happy but she tried to commit suicide. She could change her life by doing what she actually wanted. If she could please herself rather than pleasing others she might not have thought about taking her life. Interestingly, now when she knew she is alive only for few days, she got enough time to visualize and evaluate her past and look at the mistakes she did or the mistakes she never did. She had encountered the love of life at the most crucial stage. This is point when she realized that life is worth living.

When Bipolar tries to be Nice

Bipolar people are generally emotional and impulsive. At times, their sudden mood swings create problems for them and others who are related to them like family, friends, and colleagues. This has nothing to do with morality and conduct. If a normal person screams at his colleague, he might be mad at him regarding work related stuff which might be a genuine reason but if a bipolar start yelling and over react in the similar situation, it is more likely to understood and perceived as bipolar mood shift. It might be true that the mistake of colleague is not that serious and he over reacted and created fuss in office because he is a bipolar. But in this case too, the seriousness of mistake should not be judged on the basis of disease.

This was just an example. More such cases happen in our families on daily basis. Anger, sorrow, frustration, excitement, these all are common moods that are experienced by every ‘normal’ and ‘abnormal’ person on this planet. In fact this happens with animals too. But when a bipolar is having a specific mood due to some particular incidence or situation, it is perceived by family as medication disturbance and they force you to plan immediate visit to doctor.

In the same way, Bipolar doesn’t afford to be ‘nice’ at all. When you care about your family, give attention to friends, organize your wardrobe, help mom in kitchen, discuss politics with dad, visit grand ma on weekend, dress up nicely, and feel good about your life, this would ring alarming bells to your family and those you have come out to. Something must have gone wrong with the medication that’s why s/he is so happy and excited. Let’s visit doctor before the condition becomes psychotic.

For Some People Life is actually Bed of Roses


Hoping for Happiness

We get to see many examples of people living a peaceful and comfortable life.. a life that we always wished for. We envy our friends when we find them enjoying moments that we always desired. Yes, I realize that they have their own problems and they are fighting with some other issues which I can’t see.
What is a comfortable lifestyle? Nice furnished apartment near by some beautiful beach, a luxurious car, Good job with handsome salary package and perks, Branded clothes & shoes, Foreign vacation trips and so on. Now If I ask define Happiness. You may have different answers. It might be your success in exam or a job promotion, a positive reply to a marriage proposal or news of first pregnancy.

At some point comfort and happiness overlap and share the same moments. Obviously I would be happy to lead a comfortable life. Or a comfortable lifestyle would cherish me with happiness. This is a typical situation that fits with a majority. A majority of normal people, who takes a degree, struggles for job stability, get married and have a smooth life (of course with usual life problems). Then there are people who are not normal like them. They follow the same life patterns, study, work, family, but they always get stuck for ages on each stage. In fact their struggle never come to an end even when they enter into next phase of life. Each day for them brings a great challenge than an opportunity. They are not always short of cash or family love. They do have friends and a lifestyle. They live a decent life and  participate in daily activities. But they have to fight for their survival. Their enemy is not an external force, ironically their own self, thoughts and emotions are their biggest enemy.

When they see their friends living a normal life with their spouses and kids, they ask God, what was their fault? why they were punished with such unrest? They studied well, they have good aptitude, they are equal to normal people in intelligence. Then why they can’t excel in career like others. They are sensitive and loving, and when they see others enjoying with loved ones, they look up at sky and think if they could ever get a loving and understanding life partner who would take them as they are.

This comfort and happiness is not available at any price in market. The feeling when you have everything and still empty from inside. When others envy you for what you have and you wish for a good night sleep without any pills.