Decisions made in Mania

Mania brings uncontrollable energy in bipolar which at times make him psychotic. It’s not just about being much talkative or impulsive but some of the manic traits raise concerns for him and others who are somewhat associated with the patient like doctor, family and others who know about his disease. Six sense or we can call it the intuitive energy is possessed by every person, though it depends who follow his heart’s voice. Most of the people living in materialistic society keep distance with their real selves. They don’t spend time with them thus fail to listen the voice within. However, few lucky ones pay attention to their inner voice and follow the intuition.

Mania makes bipolar intuitive to a level that could make him crazy and others too if he shares what he senses, feels, sees, listens or thinks. His thoughts follow the signs and the set pattern in which the events are taking place around him. Those signs are always present in the environment but manic can better Notice and Feel those signs and have urge to follow them.

On the basis of his intuition, bipolar tends to make decisions that raise concerns for him and others too. These decisions could be about his education, career or relationship. Normal people regard these decisions as impulsive and seasonable and part of the manic episode. My psychiatrist told me not to take any decision in this phase. But when I saw my history, I made some very important decisions in past (even before my diagnosis as bipolar but already had disease symptoms) which later on proved to be the best decisions of my life. Even before my diagnosis, I had been very impulsive and intuitive. Today I could regard my intuition as the product of mania but that time I didn’t know anything about bipolar or any other mental illness.

No matter what my doctor says, based on signs that prove them to be true and thoughts that resulted due to those signs, I can not regard my intuition to be illusive. I believe this disease is given by Almighty God and there must be some reason behind it. If you see something, it’s there. If you feel something, It exists. This is the phenomenon of life and events that take place.

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Strange way to Defeat Insomnia

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Defeating Insomnia

I’m not sure about my fluctuating emotions related to regular thoughts and memory flashbacks. I can’t say I’m thinking too much because this is one of the thing I can do very well, to an extend that it hurts me ultimately. I love my psychologist. We guys talk quite often and sometime our conversation lasts for hours (mostly in case of insomnia). My psychologist is very clever to drive the conversation in his favor, like you know, these people could discuss things but won’t let you win the argument. Reason being their intellectual superiority and professional experience of reading and interpreting minds and behavior.

Last night I met my psychologist. I almost made all arrangements to defeat insomnia and started manipulating my brain with soothing music and relaxing thoughts. But I failed to sleep. I tried another trick: fetched a book “Aleph” by Paulo Coelho (one of my favorite writers) and continue reading from where I stopped last time. I read entire chapter and started yawning. Wow, it worked.. I read for some more time to ensure if my mind is fully ready to sleep. I slowly put book aside and turned off lights. I was super excited to sleep. I was enjoying the calmness in my dark room and thinking about good things and happy moments. I noticed my excitement is increasing and need for sleep is decreasing (Ahh, Not Again ūüė¶ ) well I failed again. I was so mad at me for being over smart to defeat insomnia. I gave up and called my psychologist.

It was 1 AM midnight but my psychologist is a free person, he meets me anytime¬†as sometime I feel, I’m his only client. Well, its good for me. I got very tired yesterday because of not sleeping the previous night and heavy workout in gym. I was getting desperate to sleep early last night therefore hit bed at 11 PM. When I saw my psychologist, my anger and desperation for sleep transformed into severe depression. He said, its simply because of tiredness, and I need a relaxing sleep so that my body and brain get some rest. First, we talked about my failed effort to sleep; soothing music, book reading etc. Suddenly, i started crying apparently for no reason but my mind works superb in waking memories & connecting past incidents with present thoughts. I started cursing myself and people whom I think, responsible for my griefs. One thing lead to other, there was a series of past incidents traveling through my mind like my childhood events, professional failures, break ups everything that could do well to¬†aggravate my depression. My psychologist said to tune into sad songs, I did the same.. and played ¬†my favorite sad songs which made me cry even more.

After 10 minutes, there was a deep silence in room. He asked, how I was feeling then. I was silent. Couldn’t name the feeling I was going through at that moment. I could feel more silence within than in the outer world. It seemed that severe emotions of excitement and depression killed each other and made me hollow and emotionless from inside. Last thing I remembered that my pillow was quite wet, then everything blurred and disappeared eventually.

I woke up at 10 in morning with a new energy and smile on face.

Things Bipolar Should Be Doing !!

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Expression often heals you

Here’s a list of things Bipolar should do to deal with illness:

1- You should First accept who you are.. and Don’t hate yourself to be BP

2- Do things you love like I found a great pleasure in Exercise and Cinema.

3- Meet with those who make you feel happy NOT those who make you aggressive

4- Avoid indulging into Argument with family or friends, at times a casual discussion or debate leads to a serious argument

5- Keep a journal with you and record your changing thoughts and mood swings. Also important situations that trigger your deep emotions

6- Don’t keep on thinking on the same issue for a long time.

7- Go for a Walk in evening

8- Meet new people, Try new Food, Travel. Exploring new things broaden your horizons

9- Change your room setting or at least desktop wallpaper

10- Listen soothing music

11- Expect less from People. Think You can make yourself happy and sad. No one else.

12- And most Importantly, EXPRESS yourself, I know its hard for a Bipolar to express his crazy views at times, so find some creative hobby like writing, painting or dancing for Self expressions. The more you keep thoughts n feelings inside, they keep killing ya..

13- Finally, VALUE YOURSELF, Take good care of yourself, diet, body, soul. We put extra effort to know our new date and make him/her happy. But we hardly get time to know our mind and behavior.