Unfortunate Dreams

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I see no hope in these empty eyes

Once there were shiny dreams

That I saw in good times

All the fantasies remain the fantasy

Those golden dreams

Never became the reality

The fading hope is swapped by

Dark clouds filled with tears

waiting for

ruthless death of courage

it will rain once again

with drops of blood

there will be no gain

accept some more pain

my all dreams will go drained

in the flood

of mere helplessness

~ Rayan Ahmed ~

Image Source:

http://aquasixio.deviantart.com/art/Don-t-trash-your-dreams-323512656

Passion isn’t enough

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Honesty of intentions,

And passion towards goal

To make a difference,

By playing your role

I tell you today,

Passion & honesty isn’t enough

To succeed in life

So what if you’ve potential

No wonder you’re sincere

I agree you want to contribute

And make your own identity

But my dear friend,

Don’t overlook the reality

You’ve a medical condition

That will always hinder your way

Towards your goal & success in life

It’s a lifelong struggle

It will pull you back

Whenever,

You take a step forward

You will be hurt bad

It’s sweet to think high

But my innocent friend,

Hope isn’t enough

To take you to sky

~ Rayan Ahmed ~

Play the Mystery

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Enough of whining

Own the ordeal

No more sharing

Of how I feel

I will not open up now

Enough of trust

The end of thirst

Of the companionship

I will not come to you now

There are many masks to wear

When people don’t deserve

What’s the point to be real?

Abandon the fear

Too much of care

Don’t lead anywhere

You have the power

To bliss and shine

Forget the misery

Play the mystery

~ Rayan Ahmed ~

The World is Bipolar

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The world is bipolar

We witness bright day after dark night

The Grey, Black and White

Two poles that sets us apart

Whether uniformity of the crowd

Or the exclusivity of individuals

The hotness of summer

And those chilly winters

The stillness of lake

and manic tides of ocean

The calmness in woods

Speaks the allure wisdom

The pace of metropolis

Triggers mundane boredom

I see two poles everywhere

Whether its sunshine

After the stormy rain

a hope emerges from dark clouds

The Nature trails and whispers

You’re not alone.

~ Rayan Ahmed ~

Image Source:

http://www.pbase.com/image/27942234

Mask that Falls off

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I will shed my clothes to show you the marks

On my body that you could see

I will shed my skin to reveal the scars

Of my old exhausted soul

That craves some amity

You’re scared and I will enjoy

Don’t you worry my dear friend,

I will wear the wrinkled skin again

To prove my soul is still protected

By the distorted courage

That keeps me moving

I will put on my clothes to be decent enough

So that I can mingle among you

~ Rayan Ahmed ~

A Humble Question from You

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If a diabetic can share his illness with family, friends, and society and folks appear to be concerned about it then WHY a person suffering from bipolar disorder hesitate to share it with his fellow beings and at the first place, Why does s/he feel sorry about him and spend a life in a closet with his haunting thoughts?

Weight Gain and Self Esteem

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Today I’m going to share a very personal experience with you that empowered me with a great learning. I reduced approximately 48.5 Pounds in 4 months as a result of strict diet and extensive workout. Why? Because I was embarrassed of my body shape like most of the chubby or obese young people do. I couldn’t wear body fit narrow bottom jeans which is in fashion these days and trendy t-shirts of popular clothing brands which gave me a feeling of helplessness and worthlessness when I see them displaying at dummies behind glass window in malls.

I don’t feel any shame in confessing that I envied my friends who were smart and could follow latest fashion in all seasons. I got burnt in the fire of jealousy when I see them in sexy outfits that I could only dream of.

While shedding extra pounds I became super-duper excited (which also triggered hypomanic episode due to heavy cardio workouts). The overwhelming compliments soaked in deep surprise, wonder and appreciation from friends, acquaintances and relatives took me at the peak of pride and greater sense of achievement. Now, I could wear anything. I was feeling out of the world. No less than a prince charming. And yes, I felt more confident and the esteem trespassed into a bit of arrogance. I deserve that credit after all.

In a very short span of a year my ‘slim image’ got faded away as I and others got used to of it. The weight reduction no longer excited me nor did it sustain the sense of accomplishment. The sudden boost in my self-esteem and confidence was very shallow and it split like a water bubble. Now I see many overweight and obese people around me and feel so normal about them. Even some of the darling television starts, comedians who make me laugh, all of them are so confident about who they are and how they look. They always look beautiful and do amazing work in their respective domains. What they wear also looks good on them because they carry it with confidence.

In this period of severe hard work on my appearance and dwelling between low and high self-esteem, I learned that your confidence and comfort with yourself is directly linked with your self-image i.e. how you see yourself. The inferiority complex, which haunts and makes us look inferior to others resides within that we try to cover and polish it with make-up on the body.  Therefore, changing outer appearance, materialistic acquisition of goods or any such superficial thing won’t make any difference to how you feel or your emotions in a long run.

It’s not others’ opinions that matter; instead it’s our own perception about ourselves that translate people’s comments accordingly. For instance, sometime I wonder, how can these fat and bald actors take humiliating jokes and sarcasm in shows on public channel? How can obese women come on television at reality shows and perform so well with confidence? This is because; they have accepted them that way and they have a firm realization that their obesity or baldness doesn’t define them. Self-acceptance is more important before you seek acceptance in society. In order to get long lasting results we should work on inner part of our body that provide foundation to our personality i.e. thoughts, attitude and perception. Appearance is an outer part that keeps varying with age and time and it doesn’t affect much on your inner self.

We need to keep us reminding that I am the only one who can make me feel good with dignity despite all the imperfections or I can degrade myself by competing in a rat race with peers and considering myself worthless, despite having a lot of things to be grateful for, that millions of people on earth desire.

Rayan Ahmed.