Two things have been bothering me since my adulthood; relationship issues and career uncertainty. Today I will talk about career issues. In my earlier post, I discussed how bipolar person struggles to keep a steady job. I wrote that post in 2013 and my situation isn’t very different from then. Although I did have a job lasted for 2 years between 2016 and 2018 and also I taught in a university for one-semester fall 2014, but I am standing in a middle to nowhere again.
Getting a job and having a steady career are two different things. You can secure a job after passing an interview and on the basis of your qualification, work experience, and your skills and potential but you do not necessarily possess skills to keep that job and work consistently with the same interest that you had while joining the job. That’s exactly happened to me. I did get jobs in different positions and in various industries but couldn’t sustain it. I don’t blame the external factors that lead to quitting the job but the root cause is my own self i.e. changing interest. Soon after working for some months, I lose interest in that work area and get a strong impulse and temptation to step into some other field. The impulse is so strong that I couldn’t ignore it. I never get satisfied with the work which I do in a particular job position. And this cycle continues.
The Impulse to Teach
One of the impulses has been of teaching which was very consistent throughout these years. I taught at an online university for two years and also in a conventional university for one semester (6 months). I really enjoyed working in the online university as it suited to my changing moods. There, I didn’t have to face the audience and there was very limited online interaction with colleagues. Most of the work was done independently. But I never appreciated that work while serving there. During that tenure, I always looked for other opportunities to volunteer in NGOs and youth development and training field. Then suddenly I got a job offer from a pharmaceutical company as Assistant Manager – Social Media, and I joined it without even thinking twice. My Pdoc said that job was best for me and I also realized that later on.
Working with the conventional university was a wonderful experience but it was stressful. I served there for 6 months and hypomania got triggered during that time. Because I had to speak for 3 hours for delivering lectures and there was too much physical interaction with students. I was also bothered by the traveling because it was the evening class and the traffic was unbearable.
The impulse to Work in Development Sector
Another impulse has been working with some NGO in non-profit, development sector. I tried that too by volunteering in an NGO working against Child Abuse. I volunteered for 2 years and then realized that there was no substantial outcome of the efforts. The core activities of NGO was limited to organizing walks, protests, carnivals and workshop on the same topic. Somehow I felt that most of the NGOs exist just to glorify the ‘ social issue’ and gain public sympathy in form of grants and the society doesn’t gain any substantial and quantifiable results out of their efforts. That’s my personal viewpoint which I derived from my experience and observation. I am sure not all of the civil rights organizations and NGOs are like that.
So I tried both the options which tempt me so much that I quit my jobs, i.e. teaching and working in the development sector and left it on my own wish. Interestingly I still get such impulses.
Not Interested in Corporate World
One thing is for sure that I do not want to work in the corporate world. I think it is a kind of modern slavery. During my corporate jobs, I always thought what I was contributing to the world by serving to these corporate companies. Of course I was getting paid for my work and the business was contributing to the economy but still, I felt that I should not serve to the corporate system. It doesn’t mean, I was not good at my work. My employers were happy with my work and they were aware of my potential. I was the one who left the jobs, they did not kick me out.
Now, the situation is worse. After quitting so many jobs and having an inconsistency quite apparently on my resume, I have lost my confidence and self-esteem. I do want to work but don’t know what to do. I have tried almost everything. From event management to advertising and public relations, teaching, the non-profit sector, social media, and now looking for something else to explore. I know one cannot be lucky to keep changing his careers and get jobs too. When I submit my cv somewhere, the evaluator could observe that I am not consistent with the careers and jobs which shows that I don’t know what to do and I do not have expertise in any field. He would be certain that I would leave that job also very soon.
Online Work Opportunities
I know there are many work opportunities available online. I am thinking to explore them. I have above average writing skills but still confused and unsure if I get successful in winning some work. Problem with online work is that you have to give an interview every time you apply for any project. Secondly, with changing moods and having depressive episodes, you may not deliver the work before deadlines. Despite all these uncertainties I look forward to exploring such online opportunities and see what happens.
Would appreciate your thoughts.