I Desire More Pain to Heal

bigstockphoto_Prayer_4660920 O how fortunate you are,

To carry those wounds,

Visible on your skin.

I envy you for the privilege.

Feel helplessly annoyed for,

Being unfaithful to myself,

To abandon the bruises,

Of my fading soul that

Keeps me blooming.

To rejoice the misery,

Over and over and over.

Mortal body is futile to,

Attire the scars of soul.

Ah how truthful you are,

For sharing your ordeal.

See how miserable I am,

I desire more pain to heal.

~ Rayan ~

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Craving of an Empty Soul

depression+gay+couple I’m an empty soul

Imprisoned in a filthy body

I desire every man I look at

With a deep sense of deprivation

My greedy eyes want him to

Hold me, Love me, and Squeeze me,

Mercilessly. . so that this tainted flesh

Loosens the grip of weakened bones

And my hollow existence is filled,

With shame and pleasurable regrets

Leaving my inner self more thirsty

More desperate and more vulnerable

To submit my dignity once again

To every mouthwatering body

With the same greedy eyes

To succumb my self-worth

In the name of this emptiness


Inevitable Trial


 I know there is light inside me

But every time I fail to find some

All I see is overwhelming darkness

In the form of tangled thoughts

Chaotic passions & disgusted cravings

They say, all you need is a little push

a change of perspective maybe,

I wonder if I could ever change,

My haunting thoughts

Chasing me all over, repeatedly

I wonder if I could buy new desires

Some ‘decent’ and ‘acceptable’ ones

In this market of high principles,

I wonder if I could control the tides of storm,

Throwing me out into the dirty seashore

Awaking me from the beautiful dream,

Where I don’t have to please anyone,

And justify my impulsive emotions,

 I heard that life is worth living.

But when you feel worthless,

It appears to be an excess baggage,

 Weigh you down every passing moment.

And your greatest struggle is to Survive,

Each moment, from every emerging thought.