It is ironic to be a bipolar gay especially in my conservative society where sharing your feelings is far difficult so you can’t expect the positive acceptance in society you’re living in. Resulting, the person has to suffer from depression and loneliness due to lack of healthy opportunities of self exposure and the dream to live a life based on truth never come true. Sex is an important biological need of a living organism and when it comes to human; they find partners for relationships that may be based on intimacy and love bonding. There’s an easy way for straight people who get married and have a long term relationship that is accepted by the society. On contrary gay men have to satisfy their sexual need in hidden way without having any legal contract or written relationship agreement. I won’t talk about gay marriages because it is not practiced or accepted in most of the cultures.
When it comes to bipolar patients, I read that manic episode brings increased sexual desires and some people go for inappropriate ways and indulge them in risky behaviors. Married bipolar people enjoy this period as they and their partners both have great sexual pleasure and intimacy whereas bipolar gay men have to find their partners for sex if they don’t have boy friends. Most of them don’t live together so they have to arrange place as well.
Then there are some idiots like me, who are bipolar homosexual and waiting for Mr. Right because they don’t feel comfortable in doing sex with random people. For me, friendship, understanding and compatibility is more important before jumping into the bed. And that’s the reason I have to suffer. I have joined a gay social website but it is more of a hooking platform where you put your nude pix and get your desired body to make love. And in most of the cases this relationship lasts only in bed.
I suffered from serious mania 4 months back and it took me so much time to recover and ironically I got into severe depression as soon as my mania ended. I was on heavy dose of anti-psychotic medicine in mania therefore, my libido was decreased and I didn’t think of having sex in that span but as I stopped that medicine and re-adjust my dose, I stepped into hypersexuality – increased sexual desire. I don’t have any boy friend and never got convinced to have sex with random people so I have been suffering with great depression, feeling lonely and deprived. It is difficult to avoid something that is among your basic need. And not satisfying it brings you frustration and lack of concentration in your daily activities. I heard gay people are always ready for sex but I don’t believe this because I don’t get desperate for sex all the time. It is my fluctuating moods and medicines that change my desires.
Sometime I wonder how challenging it is to be bipolar gay living in a conservative society where you have you fight with your desires and at times you can’t share with people your reason for frustration and emptiness.