Sprituality & Mental Diseases


Dua (Pray)

I know it is a sensitive topic because mostly modern, liberal and educated people, don’t believe in spirituality or divine powers. I have been a firm believer and always seeking help from Almighty Allah. Although I have some questions that would never be answered about the existence of God because we are living in scientific age and we always look for logic to get convinced. A person who believes in science and things that we could feel from his five senses, may not taste and enjoy the flavor of spirituality. We ought to have a firm belief before we wish to see the miracles around us.

I recently experienced a gigantic manic episode with scary psychotic features. It was the similar thing that happened in March 2007 when I was in final year at university and ended up being hospitalized for 17 days, but I just remember 3 days of hospitalization because I had lost consciousness due to severe nervous breakdown.

The immense energy that comes with full fledge mania is enough to make us psychotic, with racing thoughts, high pitch and volume, irritability, anger, speedy talking but this time I experienced Aleph. Those who have read Paulo Coelho ‘s book Aleph , would better understand my situation. I went to another world when I could see and listen things that people sitting next to me couldn’t experience. They were same television drama, sound tracks, and jingles but I could relate each and every word to it with some big or small event of my life or people related to me. I experienced the moment when  TV characters were speaking to me.  I listened to Spiritual music that took me in a trance. I was able to see ‘Signs’ that were guiding me what to do and how to do.

This happens in Hypo/mania but this episode made me closer to God. I prayed 5 times and cried out loud. I asked Allah if He gave me extra ordinary powers and energy to change the world and if these signs tell me that I have a purpose to live. Then He must give me courage to absorb this energy and help people suffering by supporting them and sharing my experiences.

Alhumdolillah, I’m normal now and the phase is over, I know I will get depressive and manic episodes again and I have to continue my medications, But next time, I will get closer to Allah and ask for His help. He created me and He gave me this disease, so there must be a reason that I have yet to find. And interestingly I’m waiting for my next Aleph 🙂



  1. Dear Ryan, I am also a person who followed Paulo Coelho intensely. Landed in bypolar and by my life got completely destroyed. Lost family, children, all whatever I wanted in life. When I was admitted first I wrote to Paulo. Then like you wrote about Aleph, I wrote Valkareys happened in my life. And what he gave reply was further encouraging. So I took risk again. Now there is no god to save me and mostly I will end my life shortly.So I request you to forget all these and make a simple life.

    Also I request all people who became insane due to Paulo Coelho literature.


    • Hi Anil.
      Thanks for your feedback.
      It is sad to know about your losses. I really hope things get better with you. and please believe me, things get better, it is really hard to keep the hope in the miserable ciscumstances but it is my experience that we all find our way somehow.. and about Paulo, i don’t think there is something wrong with his writings. he has his own way of experiecing and defining things, later i realised that it was not Aleph, i was reading that book that time when i got hypomanic so i related my trance like condition with that what i read in the book. it was just a prodcut of finction. I hope you will find a way soon. Good luck !

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