I was very excited to lose 20 kg in just 3 months and as I posted my photos on Facebook, my friends were shocked to see a slim and toned version of me. I receive different sort of compliments from my real friends and ones who are just added in my Facebook as formality and comment when they couldn’t express their hatred and jealousy for me, whatsoever it is, I feel great.. Dun care what people think or how they feel (positive or negative) about my new look, I feel an evil pleasure in shocking them with new photos and status updates.. well, ironically a bipolar cannot enjoy happiness for a long period of time. I realized I stepped in from (normal) happiness & excitement to (abnormal) manic, when I had to spent hours on bed struggling to fall asleep. Meaning, all the effort which I made 2 weeks back to get myself out of depression by convincing myself with millions of a bit exaggerated or might be unrealistic reasons for being positive, happy and blessed, now I have to put double effort to get out of this ‘happiness’ and excitement that is screwing my thoughts and actions and also others who have no clue about this ‘sudden’ energy and ‘liveliness’ in my personality.
Honestly, I’m glad to see myself feel out of this world. Every bipolar wishes to be manic because he doesn’t have to sit alone, alienated in a dark room, crying and regretting. Mania gives tremendous energy to bipolar and get away all his worries and negative thoughts. He starts loving his life, people around, he talks to express all of his creative ideas, he gets naughty with his friends, flirt with girls, he likes to wash dishes even. Dancing, painting, photography.. everything attracts his interest. He wants to LIVE, to Laugh, to Shout, to Respond, to DO EVERYTHING and Anything..
Most importantly, he speaks the TRUTH.. The truth about himself, about his friends, family.. which nobody can afford in this hypocrite world. Everybody watches porn or if you’re a cinema goer, your family knows that you do watch romantic scenes on ‘big’ screen.. But if you share any image or status on Facebook, which is not good enough to fulfill the requirement of so called decency (not talking about nudity) people start doing their favorite pass time job.. they get judgmental about your character. They start doubting about the person’s state of mind (if he acts ‘normal’ or ‘different’ previously). Their feedback makes a bipolar feel that something is going wrong. But he doesn’t care because he considers his basic Right to Express himself without being bothered about social norms. He thinks ‘To hell with People’ ‘I don’t Care’ ‘What the Fuck’ etc. and interestingly non-bipolar can think this too, there is a growing number of teens and young people who give a damn about society and conventional perceptions of wide majority. But a Bipolar does not enjoy this luxury. He doesn’t afford to fuck the society. He can’t act upon a very popular phrase “BE YOURSELF” “BE NATURAL”. Because, Being Natural for a Bipolar means he has to increase his medication dose.
I urge for a scale when bipolar can measure his state of mind and restrict himself to a point where he is not very sad and not even happy Because, Being Sad is Depression and Being Happy is Mania.